I did the same thing, for almost 40 years! It wasn't until I admitted to myself that I had a problem, that I could begin to work through the underlying reasons for my addictions.
Talking with a counselor openly and honestly was the best thing I ever did. Getting an unbiased opinion on the things that were causing my drinking and using changed my life. A fresh perspective from someone who you have never met, could be a turning point for you... it was for me. There was a lot of crying and emotions while I worked through the trauma's from my past but it was completely worth it to get someone else's take on my situation.
Making the decision to go to AA, get a sponsor and work the steps has made a dramatic change in my life as well. Getting to the root cause(s) of my addiction and working through each of them has been key to my sobriety. Attending meetings and making sober friends has been nothing short of miraculous.
Keep your chin up, there is help for you available... if you look in the right places.
Good Luck!