I self medicate.
I keep trying. Its amazing how long I have been coming here. I get sober, then I don't. I have spoken with counsellors, therapists, my wife. I self medicate, because the pain inside cant come out, and drinking lets it come out slowly in my tears. My mother died 2 years ago, my sister 10 years ago, my father just a few months ago. I have so much in my life.. two houses, a nice shiney car, a good woman. I also have a 170 pound bag of **** I drag around all day..so much rage, and hatred, so much pain and disappointment. I don't really know anymore. I was sober for huge amounts of time, and that did not fill me up either. God? must be laughing... Just letting you know I am still alive, and struggling.