We are with you, ElleDee, and thankful that you have come back. Your fear is palpable and I am so sorry that you going through this. Fear may not be a bad thing in the beginning especially if it puts you on the right path but, at some point, that fear needs to turn into unshakable resolve, especially since your drinking has already affected your liver.
Do you have face to face support - AA, Rational Recovery; have you tried AVRT?