Speaking freely...
This is the only place where I can speak freely. I have trouble sharing in general. Well it's Day 1 for me again and I was on my knees praying this morning because I did something stupid last night when I was drunk (nothing really illegal... just stupid). My God cut me a break and I now know that I did not get caught so the secret stays with me and my Higher Power. I just thanked him profusely. My drinking has escalated to the point where.... well when I watch an Intervention re-run and they talk about how much they drink... I'm right up there with them. That has scared the crap out of me. I am already having liver issues... that scares me too and I have a month before I go back to my doctor who is quite concerned.
I have different plans this time to stay sober and hopefully a month of no alcohol will help my health issue and if I can tell her I have a solid month of sobriety (again) that will be good. It will show some progress and hopefully hold off on further (expensive) tests. I just can't keep doing this to myself. I am scared -- I'm killing myself. I am very scared, very tearful today... but also VERY grateful that I still have a chance.
Thanks for listening, I love you all.