I took whatever it took to stay high. My DOC was oxy and if I had to then hydro. If I had what I wanted then alternating through the day.
When it was pot I could go through an ounce pretty fast.
When it was bourbon it was always a quart a day but more if I was alone on a day off.
I would always try to stay high but functional as I enjoyed existing in the world high while everyone else was straight around me. It was always like my own little secret so probably kept my consumption down somewhat.
With bourbon I would drink only when not working but always get all the way to the end. Sleep was just a matter of passing out and then coming to in the morning. My wife - who wasn't my wife at the time - told me years ago that everyone knew I was a drinker as the smell would simply leak through my pores. I found that really embarrassing once I sobered up.
I am afraid that embarrassment is only one in a litany of indicators of what a degenerate swine I have been at times in my life.
I am really happy to be these few months clean again. I know that in my times of fear of as well as experience of withdrawal that I have wondered if I would ever find happiness again without the drug. It is always enlightening to find that yes indeed it can happen.
I have wondered many times how I could turn back when I have everything I want without it but that magnetism, that feeling.......
I could get high any time I wanted. I am off today with plans to be the wood man as you say fnaltime. There is a bottle of 30 10mg hydros prescribed for my wife a year ago and I know exactly where they are. She hated them so she'll never take them - nor will I.