I received a text from my daughter while I was at work. She was able to make it to Alanon this afternoon, and says it was very helpful. I'll talk to her more when she gets home from work. She said they talked about strengthening her boundaries.
Lillamy, I think my husband's take is probably similar to "he knows better". I think he feels it's not a big deal. Kids meet their parent's new partners every day. "Don't make a big deal out of it." Yeah. It's not a big deal to him, but it was a huge deal to her. Honestly, I don't know if her reaction even registered on him. She said he acted as though everything was fine.
MissFixit, I don't know.... now I'm leaning a little more into the Narcissist camp. What you said about "image" has me remembering things he's done in the past. You're right about her being told that his behavior isn't about her. I add to that conversations that set the groundwork for what her adult relationship will be with him. This is where I find Alanon very helpful. He can be so immature, and she needs to know how to not be caught in the trap of a "father" who acts like a "child".
Hopeful4, I'm so sorry your daughter has to go through that. At 15 my daughter wasn't able to stay in the same room as him for more than 2 minutes. I didn't think she was capable of that kind of hate. The good news is she got over it. The bad news is..... well, you read my post. Honestly, though, I don't think she'll ever go back to "hating" him. I think (I hope) she's moving through that to a kind of acceptance of who he is, and what he is and isn't capable of. (((((( Hugs )))))) back to you, and your daughter.