Thanks guys. I appreciate the perspective. I was trying to discuss with my husband last night, but he's not exactly a fan of any program that promotes sobriety, so his opinions are skewed.
Old habits die hard. Even in recovery I struggle with my boundaries and with people, places, things that feel punishing. The good news is that I realized it sooner rather than later, and that I'm trying to move forward with a minimum of drama and strife, rather than dwell on it endlessly. I am grateful for recovery!