I am sorry Mistyeye.. that really hurts , I'm sure.
Take good care of yourself. If you have any family to support you, you might want to lean on them a bit, to have some connection, some interaction, so you don't feel so alone.
I hope you will continue to post and share, and read the stickies. You will find that there are so many who were in your situation.
Its really important that you live the life that you want to live.
big hugs,
chicory