lucybb

I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on a weird incident that happened 2 weeks ago.

My AH stayed home sick- playing hooky which was fine as the VoIP installers were coming and he wanted to get stuff done. He did get some flooring done and make dinner. When I got home I could tell by his reactions and the look of him that he was drinking. He keeps going outside out front to get this or that - must have a stash out there.

Before dark, I saw him go out back a few times and the last time he was taking out the lighter. I followed him out, figuring he was starting a campfire but something made me feel suspicious. I have a good instinct for these things, turns out. I find him trying to light a big pile of branches in the firepit. Only two pieces of paper and he's trying hard to light one. First of all, nowhere near enough paper to get the fire started. Secondly they look like envelopes. I look closer at the one he's trying to light and see its from superior propane. I figure it must be old as we have returned our tank and discontinued service. I tell him to stop as it is too windy. Something about this is bothering me but I can't put my finger on it - but for some reason I feel I need to stop him from starting this fire.

He stops and leaves the firepit. Later, it hits me, I am waiting for a cheque from superior to refund the propane that was in the tank! He is already in bed - it is around 7:30. I ask him, where did he get that letter that he was trying to light in the firepit. He says it was garbage, I ask him where he found it, he says it was already torn up with a bunch of other torn up papers. I said I am waiting for a cheque from them, I am going to see. I went out and the two papers were two unopened letters addressed to me. I bring them in and show him and said they are not torn, they are letters to me, why did you burn them. He says well I guess I'm just a jerk and did it on purpose. I agree and walk out - I am done with taking on the blame in these games he plays where he won't accept responsibility for something but tries to make me feel bad for mentioning it. Now when he says 'I guess I'm just a jerk' or 'I must have done it on purpose' I just agree - why argue?

So I check the envelopes and one is my rebate cheque, the other is from Amex, also a rebate cheque! I am so enraged! No wonder he was secretive about burning them! Who burns someone else's unopened mail! And then lies about it being garbage and torn! He can't have known they were cheques, but it can't be an accident when they had just arrived, he took them from the mailbox shortly before and that was all that was being burned under the branches.

The next morning I tell him I am going to deposit the cheques he tried to burn. I tell him calmly that I want to tell him what I observed last night and that I was angry. He says the letters were with a whole bunch of ripped up papers so he didn't notice (I checked again when I got home, just a small part page of newspaper that looked like it was there from before. No ripped up papers.) Of course, he totally denied being drunk. I told him I don't believe him and walked out.

It makes no sense. There was no gain to it, he didn't seem angry at me, it's just too weird. Any ideas? It's one thing to try not to make sense of their behaviour when it may not have any logic, but this is just way out there. I feel like I have to watch him like a hawk - which is not helping my working on detaching!