as Carl says, about not needing to know the exact 'why' in order to accept.
and Exegesis, this: but there is still something inside me that despite the ten years of evidence I have to the contrary that maybe next time will be different., well, yes, i spent years there. until i knew it would never be different. it was a horrible spot, having my repeated evidence and then having my 'mind' screw me over into thinking that all these years of evidence didn't really mean anything as far as "next time".
the truth is in your own history.