DickySix

Growing up I was a very confident smart young boy, plenty of friends, girlfriends. I was one of those kids that my peers looked up to.

I had my first drink when i was around 15. My mates and I would buy a cask of goon, go to parties and basically get up to any mischief we could find.

As the years passed, slowly but surely this started becoming a regularly weekend thing. The more the years passed the more heavier the drinking became to an extent where i would binge drink up to 24 hours straight (md, ecstassy assisted).

As time went on, friends become scarce, i found myself not really caring who came and went from my life.

To make matters worse I started suffering from anxiety and depression and i guess i was just self-medicating by drinking. I found that no anti-depressant would help. Over time i realized that drinking was actually making the anxiety worse.

Now I am 27, had the most crazy past 2 years with Alcohol. I am very alone in this world. My family still care but I am hanging by a thread. All the good friends I once had have now far gone. My girlfriend of 4 years has pretty much packed her bags. I don't seem to care about life as much as what i once did.

The past year I have been drinking very heavy maybe like 3 times a week, but binge drinking 12+ hours every session.

I started noticing the next day after every heavy binge I was experiencing these weird and strange feelings (sweating, vertigo, confusion, etc) At first i put it down to Anxiety & Panic Attacks, but then realized it would occur between 8-12 hours after my last drink. Obviously it had to be the alcohol leaving my body. Over time these withdrawal effects have landed me hospital, however at the time it was all diagnosed as Panic Attacks.

I took a stance on Saturday to quit alcohol altogether. Looking into rehab facilities and AA Meetings, etc. I'm at the point where i am just so numb, it's hard to function and think rationally. My girlfriend says i show no emotion towards anything, and it has really taken a strangle hold on our relationship.
I have to mention that after 3-4 sober days I do start feeling more motivated and aspirational.

I would like to know where i can start, I know by myself i cannot kick the addiction. I would really just to live a normal life again, without alcohol being any player in my life. I look back at all my peers now, and most of them are very successful and it kinda pisses me off.

I have to mention that i do not drink everyday.

I really appreciate everyone reading, I just needed to share some of my story.

Thanks