what about being honest? I'm divorced from an alcoholic.at the time of the divorce I had children from one year to 12 years of age. the only other father is an alcoholic. there's a program for the children of alcoholic I think it's called something like rainbow kids I've seen children as young as 10 or 11 at Al Anon. maybe approach it from the standpoint of the disease and a sickness that he can only fix. 9 is a very tender age but she's going to figure it out sooner or later. and yes prepare for it to get difficult with him when I was divorcing and my ex was actively drinking it was a very difficult time for me and for my children. I do think you're making a good decision though to end the engagement.