myfreedom.....I do understand how hard it is to do what you have to do if he is pounding on the "door" constantly. Undoubtedly, he is leaning hard on your guilt buttons---and, believes that if he can wear you down---you will relent. After all, this has worked for him in the past. He wants what he wants and he will do what works to get what he wants (don't we all do that? really). The problem is that what he wants will harm other people. And, it certainly won't "help" him and his alcoholism, either.
This man hasn't stopped drinking. He is still blaming you for the drinking. He is still thinking like an alcoholic....and that takes a long time to change. He doesn't sound remotely working on genuine recovery. And, he certainly doesn't sound like he grasps, at all, the damage that his disease has done to his loved ones.
I recall when I divorced my narcissistic husband (father of my 3 children). When he realized that I was dead serious.....the behavior that you describe began! The crying...the sending of gifts...the "promises"....the laying on my gilt buttons....trying to get others to plead to me on his behalf.
Problem was...that I had had all that I could take and I knew in my soul that there was no going back. We could no longer be the sacrificial lambs on the alter of what just made him happy--with no regard of our welfare!! I knew that.
myfreedom...there is NO easy way to tell him the truth. There is no way that he won't be upset. That is the part that you will have to accept. You have to do it NO MATTER what the difficulty.
It is either..do it now....or do it later--after even more damage from the disease has ravaged you--the kids--and, even him.
There comes a point when you have to ask....How much am I going to give over to this disease? And, you cannot expect him to agree with you....cause he won't. Not now...and, not later, either.
myfreedom...you are going to have to get tough in order to honor your own thoughts, beliefs and your own truth. This is just the way it is. If you don't protect yourself and your kids..nobody else is going to do it.
This includes drawing firm boundaries. Write the truth on a piece of paper and read it from a piece of paper, if you have to!!!!!!!
I always say that I had to grow a thick rhino skin....LOL!
There comes a time when you just gotta do what you gotta do. And, during that time it is best to keep your brain in charge...because your heart cannot be trusted (it is too vulnerable, just n ow).
I know that I am talking to you like a "Dutch Uncle". I sure hope you can forgive me for that....I am trying to be your friend.
dandylion