I know it is hard detaching. I have been separated for over 2 years and it is still hard for me. What I do, when I am feeling weak (and I was feeling weak this weekend) is think ahead to what it will do to my children if I stay in the unhealthy.
I hear a term in the Alanon circles of "fake it till you make it" and that is truly what I do at times. The A in our lives will say whatever they have to when they feel like they are losing us. That is the manipulation.
I also learned to control my breathing when I am feeling overwhelmed. It does not allow me to get anxious and panicky.
This is very painful but he is sick. You and me as the codies are sick too. All involved need to feel, deal and then heal. You can do this. Just keep thinking ahead to the chaos and dysfunction if you dont make a change. To this day, I am still in love with the husband I knew...but I am grieving him. He does not exist anymore....