myfreedom

I am having a hard time right now, making myself sick. Last night I was in bed before 9:00. Kids and I are in our apartment and kids are doing much better. Grades are improving, attitudes are better, no stress, my daughter who is 12 has stopped going to dad's because she does not want to be there, son who is 9, goes but would rather not. AH is doing his same song and dance, about wanting us to try counseling because we never tried that before. Thinks we should atleast try that before giving up. Says he doesn't want to say goodbye because he loves me soooo much. He hasn't really drank much the past month and a half. But I have heard that all before too. Thinks if we can be a happy family then he won't have the urge to drink, says he doesn't need to hang with anyone but kids and I. He is really getting to me and I know I can't go back. Kids will never forgive me. They don't ever want to be a family, as of now. I just don't know how to tell him, that I am done. Making it final, can't quite convince myself that I need to let him go permanently, something holds me back all the time. Yesterday my anxiety was thru the roof, which ended in me having a panic attack and getting sick. I don't want to not feel good. I want to be happy and have fun with my kids.