Originally Posted by
lonelynn 
I felt the exact same way you are feeling. I wasn't ready for my AAH to come home from rehab either. It's a surreal experience, even more so (for me) than the two days when I found out his secret addiction and then ended up driving him to rehab the next day...it's a scary ordeal. You might want some answers, but you're not going to get them yet. You might want to discuss your pain and how his actions have hurt you, but that might be better left for down the road. I don't know if you and your husband are religious at all, but my AAH wasn't beforehand, and since he has come home, we have worked in church together 4 times a week because he is trying very hard to form a relationship with his Higher Power, whom he calls God. At first, I was hard on him and suspicious, but after beginning to work y own program and simply attending church, marriage counseling by a specialist in addiction, and one open AA meeting with him every week, we are making it through in our own ways. Remember, it's progress, not perfection and all you can do is love him right now. Set your boundaries of what you will, and will not live with, then work on yourself and just love him. You can't control his actions, but you can live your life on YOUR terms. I have realized that when I stopped trying to control my AAH, fighting with him, judging him and blaming him, things started to right themselves. He has fallen a couple of times, but came to me honestly and I listened without judging or yelling in anger, which gave him confidence to be more honest with me (as far as I know) and he has been more open to talk to me when he is struggling. Of course, it took 2 years and him finally deciding ON HIS OWN that he no longer wanted to let a chemical run his life. Prayers to you and your husband!
It is interesting that you mentioned us being religious. In fact, we are. We are Catholic. Four years ago, my AH decided he didn't like our new priest and quit going to Mass. I continued to go from time to time but was not faithful. One night last week when he called from rehab, he told me that he had discovered something that was missing from his life. I asked him what that was and he replied, "Church". He said, "we have got to get back to Church". I agreed with him. He is willing to go to our Church here but would rather go to a different one that is quite a drive. I am willing to go where ever he chooses. In fact, I look forward to it. I see it as a time for us to talk and heal.
He has gone to detox twice before but came home after 48 hours. This is the very first time he has done the entire 30 days. I have immersed myself in reading and working the steps. I am cautiously optimistic that he can maintain his sobriety. I will allow his actions to speak for him and will also do everything I can to support him.