giochick

I am 8 days shy of having 4 months of sobriety, and I have been having really strong urges to drink that seem to have come out of nowhere. A little back story, 4 months ago I had no job, no friends, no money, I was sick all the time, living in a terrible living situation with another alcoholic and I was so depressed I could barely muster the energy to take care of myself and I rarely left my house (and if I did, it was usually to go get beer). I had actually started having thoughts of suicide because my life was so unmanageable and I felt like I was never going to be happy or whole. It was a wake up call that alcohol was making my life miserable. Since then, I have worked so hard at getting my life back on track: I now have a job that I love and am good at (and that I can actually show up for since I no longer have debilitating hangovers everyday), I was able to save enough money and find my own apartment, my health has drastically improved, I got enrolled in school and I am working towards finishing my degree and I have been seeing a counselor and taking anti-depressants which helps me manage my depression. I also was able to lose 30 lbs, and I look and feel so much better than I did 4 months ago. I can look at how my life has improved so much because of sobriety. It's tangible, and I am so proud of myself for all the hard work I have put in. So why the hell am I having these awful and persistent thoughts that I should have a drink? Or that it would be different this time? It's like the further into sobriety I get, the less I remember how awful and unhappy I felt while I was drinking. My sneaky AV is telling me that now that my life is so much better, of course I can drink responsibly. But I know that is a big fat lie. Have other people gone through this? If so, what did you do to get through it?