i used to reel at the thought of not going out drinking. what else was there to DO? endless, circular conversations with other drunks, making friends with desperately unsuitable people, spending money with nothing to show for it but a hangover. brilliant, right?
no.
the last year or so of my drinking, i didn't want to go out. nobody drank the way i did. and it was awful trying not to appear drunk when i'd sunk a few at home before even going to the pub. my drinking became a solitary activity - the only goal was to feed the animal in my head until it stopped shouting and gave me some peace.
i'm six months sober now. and, do you know what? out of all the friends i drank with over the last ten years, guess how many want to see me socially now i'm sober? none. not even one. my friends are those i made in my twenties, the ones that stick by each other no matter what. i have made amazing friends in AA. it's as if for those 10 years with my ex husband, i was just a shadow.
life without booze can be achingly sweet. just being actually, finally AWAKE to the beauty and joy that was there all along.
i'm not going back. and i absolutely LOVED booze and socialising. i don't miss it one bit.