Social life and not drinking
Good day fellow recovery friends.
I wanted to make a message about my journey so far. For a one month period I stopped drinking for a myriad of reasons that everyone can relate to. I felt physically good, and mentally felt calmer and clearer.
Anyway, after the month, I decided to allow myself a few drinks again to begin with on weekends and so on, primarily because I felt that since I had been sober, my social life had been dealt a massive blow! I didn't feel like going out in the evening to drinking hangouts where my friends were at. I just felt being sober whilst they were drinking was just going to be a buzzkill for me and them.
Ultimately social life or lack of social life due to being sober has been a big hindrance for me. If I had enough friends that didn't drink, then it would be no problem, but it's just hard when you feel like you are by yourself.
I have always been a self conscious person as well and I found not drinking in a way meant that I felt different to everyone else, that I had to justify why I wasn't drinking and I just deep down felt that people would be judging me for not drinking, that i was weird or uptight and not fun to be around.
I find for me, it's like non drinking makes me a very productive person, that will. be exercising on the weekends, cleaning my home more, spending more time doing things like reading and chores etc. but my social life just seems to get hard. Maybe I just choose not to go out because I don't want the hassle of being the non drinker. Where as when I drink, all of a sudden my social life becomes easier, and I can go out on the weekend evenings and join in the blur of drinking. But then, everything else seems to suffer.
Can anyone relate to this imbalanced kind of life? I don't hink I am an alcoholic per se but I just feel my perspective on it all is really messed up ATM and I can't seem to find the illusive middle way. I just feel like I am starting to obsess more and more about whether I shouldn't drink or should and find whichever path I choose seems to lead to more questions and problems !