Casinva - Like you, my anxiety is a constant companion, but the panic attacks are getting less frequent (though I don't have it beat to the same extent as you do). I think recovery from anxiety is like recovery from addiction in that it requires vigilance. On Thursday I had a significant panic attack while driving to the gym that sent me circling back home. I felt so defeated and angry and frustrated at my self, my emerging higher power, everything. That afternoon I came around to realizing that one panic attack doesn't negate all the hard work I've done, nor does it mean that I'm headed back to a life ruled by them.
I have regrets, too, about what I've missed or messed up due to anxiety or drinking. I think that AA's Step 4 deals with processing resentments and regrets. If you're not in AA, it could be worth working on a step 4 activity with a therapist, or any process of letting go to give you the freedom to move forward without being weighed down by the past.
Lulu - I like the concept you use of past monsters, especially with halloween coming up. As parents we don't know how our children's development is going to unfold, or if something we've done will affect it. Do you know what the signs are of developmental delays due to alcohol? My advice, both as a parent and a child care provider, is to learn what to look for, and keep your eyes open, and never hesitate to get a professional opinion from a child development specialist. Don't live your life in fear, though, and enjoy that baby!