Hi Nuudawn -
Sorry to hear you're being tested this way - particularly at 4 months.
Making meaning, perhaps growing your capacity for resilience is part of your healing journey. We heal SO MUCH during our 1st year. The more challenges we go through, the greater the transformation
As a silver lining, the person who I was attracted to (and who attracted me) at 1 year was MUCH improved over 3 months, but I really needed to do the work solo to get there.
I hope you do feel better soon!