jessieandme2003

Do you all think that a love like that can work?

I am totally codie, and have read the books and am working my program. I am a year past separating from my AH and filing my divorce and it seems even longer. I don't even look back.

I am in my new life, working on me, making great progress and also learning about me. I have dated a super nice guy for a while, but didn't really fall for him. No chemistry on my part, although he was falling hard. So I put 'me first' and chose to end it nicely, not stay because his feelings were more important than mine. Yay me!

Now I am dating another super nice guy. I have worked hard to learn to look for the right qualities, and to be sure that I get as much as I give. I don't worry if I am good enough for them, if I can make them happy, I ask myself what they can bring to my life equally. I make sure they are smart, kind, responsible, honest, non-addicts. I make sure they don't 'need' me, and that I am not rescuing, nor being targeted for what I can provide. I make sure they are financially responsible, and they must be great with my daughter. Trust me, I have my checklist. LOL!

So it has been 7 weeks of dating and seeing each other almost daily. We are still in the very happy early stages, and it isn't fading like it sometimes does. I cannot tell you the amazement we both feel in how alike we are, how much we have in common, involving the way we see things, what matters to us, our morals. Day to day stuff too, we are so in sync. We are both turning 40 soon, grew up in same neighborhood, went to same high school, but it was a big city and we didn't know each other. If you can be sappy enough to believe in perfect matches, we can't help but feel we are close so far.

So then we get to the conversation of why each of us aren't married to our previous spouses anymore. We both have little girls who are about 4 years apart, and a lot of our 'dating' time together is as a foursome. So eventually I knew we would talk about their other parents and what happened.

Well it ain't easy to explain ending a marriage to an A to someone who doesn't know, so I wasn't sure where to start. "I loved him obsessively while he was treating me like a doormat." So I let him go first. And he stammers and starts slowly and says "well, my wife had a drinking problem..."

I was stunned. Could it be? Someone who would understand everything I had been through? I just told him "mine too" and we were in awe. How could we have even this in common?

It has been a few weeks since then, and we are even more happy together if that is possible. I have told him about codependence and he agrees he is as much codie at times as I am. His relationship ended about 5 years ago, when she had cheated, he forgave to keep the family, and yet she left again anyway. Much like mine. He doesn't know anything about Al Anon. I tell him things I've learned here from time to time and he likes what he hears. Now when he and I get stuck in a "I don't care where we go, where would YOU like to go" duel he will laugh and say "this is us being codie, huh?"

Can two codies find a love that will last?