Now what
Looks like I dont know how to make real friends. I got rid of my toxic "friends" the ones who only used me as a sounding board and weren't interested in any of my things or thoughts, the ones who only wanted me to listen or help out in their chaos. I wasn't being heard at all. But now I have no one and I'm so lonely that I have started to talk to myself a lot more than I did before.
Then when the darkness hits me I start with the thoughts that no one wants to be my friend since I don't have any. I don't know what to do anymore but I can't deal with loneliness either. It's a dead end situation.
Making friends never used to be this difficult. Nowadays it seems that people are so busy with their lives that there is no room for a new friend since there is no time share with the old friends either. The few friends I do have don't seem to have time for me and I see them so rarely that I almost forget that they exist. But I don't want to go back to hanging out with the toxic ones either.