AW1111

I really just need to post this and get everything that is going on in my head OUT! So thank you in advance to everyone who reads this!

October has always been a very difficult month for me since 2001. My father tragically passed away in an accident at work when he fell through a skylight on a roof. It shook my world (I was very close with him). A year after my Dads passing (also in October) my Grandmother who I was also very close with, unexpectedly passed away in her sleep (she was still in her 50's). Needless to say every year this month is particularly hard for me.

Everything hit the fan with my AH and his drinking at the beginning of this month (wonderful October)...he decided to check himself into an inpatient rehab facility. He has been doing amazing there and making leaps and bounds towards his recovery. His clinician has even called me multiple times and said he is very focused and motivated, and has surrendered himself. My H said he does not want to leave until he feels 100% confident he will have enough tools to remain sober and work his solid recovery plan when he is out. He has only been there 15 days, but I have seen so much progress with his thought process and him finally tackling his issues head on. I myself have been working on me, and not really focusing on his treatment. I am regaining my sanity back by going to weekly Alanon, self educating, and seeing my own personal therapist. Everything seems to be going ok right?

Then earlier tonight...I received a phone call from a very close friend of ours who's wife went into labor at 27 weeks. He is terrified and is trying to lean on me for support. It looks like she may deliver so they are trying to give the baby steroids and pray for the best. I am 3000 miles away because we moved to Florida last year...I am trying my best to give as much support I can over the phone. I am so scared for them.

THEN: I received a terrible phone call. My brother-in-law who I am extremely close with (have been talking to him everyday since my AH has started rehab) had an accident. He is also an alcoholic but still in major denial...apparently he was drunk and left his keys in his house, so he decided to climb his balcony to try and unlock his open slider. His foot got caught and he fell (this triggered so many memories from when my Dad fell and didn't make it). He broke his leg (bone was split in two), broke his arm, broke his optical bone, and needs a blood transfusion. He is in surgery right now as I type this. Family back home is keeping me updated and it looks like he will make it, but has been in surgery for 3 hours and already has had to have multiple plates/screws throughout his body. My AH and his brother are extremely close...they pretty much raised each other as their Mom was a very active alcoholic while they were growing up. She is now 3 years sober.

My AH's family and I decided I should wait to tell my AH until Sunday when I get to see him in person for visiting hours. I can't imagine telling him of any of this news over our 10 min phone conversation. I think it will be easier if I can say "your brother had an accident, but is ok and recovering" vs "your brother had an accident and is in surgery". So during our phone conversation I pretty much lied and said everything was ok.

I am trying so hard to focus on me and my recovery as a Co-D but I Feel like I can't catch a freaking break. I know things could be worse, and my bro-in-law is so lucky to have survived this. I just feel like crap. I am numb. I am trying so hard and I keep feeling like I am getting kicked while I am already down. I LITERALLY HATE OCTOBER!!!