Itsjustme89, Your words sound all so familiar to me. You are in the early stages of sobriety and to continue you progress in the future you need support. You need to open up and just talk it out before you pick up that drink. I found a addiction counselor who I can talk to freely, which is a big help in these early days of sobriety. Don't discount the progress you've made...get back on the horse and try again. Never give up. Hugs