at least your starting to see that you can not do it on your own and there is no shame in that
there is help there at aa for you but you have to want it, all i did when i first came around aa was go to meetings day and night i had no job i had nothing really but the meetings and there is were i found company, people who were willing to spend time with me as no one else wanted to be around me i had no one
the rest takes care of itself as far as i am concerned as aa grows on us.
but the difference was with me i wanted it more than i wanted to drink again, i had been beaten, there wasnt anymore fight or convincing i needed
some say i had it easy in aa because of that and i believe i did to i didnt have that constant battle once i got a few weeks in my head cleared up and i was away with them in full flight
its been 10 years now since i have taken a drink but i still go to aa not because i am scared or anything but because i know i will always neen reminding of where i have come from
thanks for your post as you remind me how lucky i am to be free of it i hope you can find the same my friend and good luck to you