drinking tonight :(
I am drinking tonight. I went 2 1/2 days without drinking, and then today at work I just felt irritable and resentful and anxious.
I am worried about my job... I am resentful toward my co worker, who I used to be good friends with, because of how she treats me now... I am supposed to drive 3 1/2 hours south tomorrow to go home for my Dad's 60th b day, even tho I really don't want to go, I just feel like I should... and I am worried about getting kicked out if I don't find a roommate because I cannot afford the rent on my own.
So when I left work tonight, I picked up a 5th of 50 proof captain morgan, a 2 litter of diet coke, and some seafood. And came home to drink and surf the web instead of going to the AA big book meeting I would have gone to if I decided not to drink tonight.
I am sorry I am so weak willed when it comes to this. I am going to have to start getting it right one of these days. Or things will keep getting worse, very gradually.
After I get back from my trip home, I will go to a meeting, and pick up yet another white chip. I really need to find a sponsor soon because I am not doing well on my own.