dandylion

After reading several threads recently with the common themes: Why can't I let go!? Why do I still miss him!? Why is this so hard!? Why can't I just leave!?

This question seems to be asked even though the relationship is acknowledged as being "over"...when the brain "knows" that there is no possibility of a reuniting or a good outcome.

Those of us who have already been through the fire...with compassion and a desire to be of help... respond with rational and objective answers to these questions. We offer support and reasurances as best we can.

Sadly, however, our ministrations seem to offer little solice or help for those who are in the grips of early grieving. Those who are suffering still proclaim--"Something is wrong..what is wrong with me....if it hurts, something is wrong and I must be doing the wrong thing!!"

This is the thing that I have noticed....among the various kinds of help that we offer up....THERE ARE TWO THINGS THAT ARE SELDOM MENTIONED--and even if they are..are given only brief and glancing mention.

These, 2 things, as I see it, are: TIME and SPACE. TIME. and SPACE!

I have seen so much human suffering, over the years. And, I have had my own...
I have never seen suffering that was not modified by time and space. The removal of the sting. Changed from incapacitating and crippling to memories (albeit, painful, often times) that surround the healed scars. Memories, yes..but not with the kind of pain that drops one to their knees and unable to breath...like the time it happened.

I am not sure that our culture (of everything instant)prepares us for the realistic expectations of what to expect when tragedy strikes. We don't know what human grief looks like...and, most of all....we don't know the necessary value of it in the big picture of our lives. We also consistently underestimate the amount of time it really takes! We want to feel better and comfortable NOW. Of course, none of us want pain...much less, embrace it. But to not know that suffering comes into every life in some form..sooner or later....vastly increases the intensity of our suffering, I believe.

SPACE: When any organism is being damaged by that which is harmful or toxic....the first action that diminishes the damage is to remove that organism from the damaging agent. One cannot heal if they are assaulted on a daily basis of that which is harmful. A different environment that is safe and nurturing is needed for healing.

I can remember when my own dear husband was taken from me by a swift illness. I can remember the pain that I felt. There was nothing like it.
Over time...the main thing that helped me was TIME and SPACE.
I had no options. TIME and SPACE were thrust upon me like an unwelcome blanket. I certainly did not realize that those were the very things that would carry me to my present day....safely, and with a healed heart and soul.

Now, I am not saying that those are the only thing that help healing....support of caring others, self help, , etc. are extremly important...but, time and space allow us to avail ourselves of these other healing measures.
The human heart has enormous powers of healing if given the chance.
We are constructed, thusly.

This is what I am trying to say: When you are hurting beyond what words can describe....have trust that time and space will carry you, like gentle angels, to where you need to be.

Time and Space.

I just felt moved to share these thoughts in case there are those who might take comfort from them.

dandylion