Originally Posted by
Needabreak 
Yes, I would protect myself from a kleptomaniac, and yes, alzheimers patients have violent outbursts sometimes. This is why violent alzheimers patients are kept sedated in institutions. There was one in my grandmother's nursing home who injured 3 other patients. Oh man, the payouts from the lawsuit that resulted kept some of the heirs of those patients happy for years!
But my main point is, people on this board should not feel guilty for NOT supporting an addict in our lives. Choosing to walk away instead is very often the best choice. One participant in this thread wrote the below quote, which implies that those who do walk away are as bad as someone walking away from a cancer patient or a sufferer of heart disease.
"So why should addiction be viewed differently? Why should we act differently, or be considered codependent just because we are in one of these relationships ? Would you research heart disease, look for the best treatments, hospitals, try and make him see how serious this is if he was in denial? What if you found a lump but he kept saying it was nothing would you be codependent to pursue and continue to address your concern? The only difference I can see is with addiction we have to be careful not to enable and prevent the natural negative consequences of addiction to be removed because it helps people become aware of the seriousness, and break their own symptom of denial...."
I disagree entirely, and read these words as codependency run amok. Too many people, especially women, are brought up to be self-sacrificing. In fact, the friends and family boards are full of people who are compromising their own lives while trying to save someone who really doesn't want to be saved. But, unless we're dealing with minor children, we are not obligated to sacrifice our own lives to save other people.
Originally Posted by
Needabreak
But my main point is, people on this board should not feel guilty for NOT supporting an addict in our lives. Choosing to walk away instead is very often the best choice. One participant in this thread wrote the below quote, which implies that those who do walk away are as bad as someone walking away from a cancer patient or a sufferer of heart disease.
"So why should addiction be viewed differently? Why should we act differently, or be considered codependent just because we are in one of these relationships ? Would you research heart disease, look for the best treatments, hospitals, try and make him see how serious this is if he was in denial? What if you found a lump but he kept saying it was nothing would you be codependent to pursue and continue to address your concern? The only difference I can see is with addiction we have to be careful not to enable and prevent the natural negative consequences of addiction to be removed because it helps people become aware of the seriousness, and break their own symptom of denial...."
I disagree entirely, and read these words as codependency run amok. Too many people, especially women, are brought up to be self-sacrificing. In fact, the friends and family boards are full of people who are compromising their own lives while trying to save someone who really doesn't want to be saved. But, unless we're dealing with minor children, we are not obligated to sacrifice our own lives to save other people.
I think people on this board should have FREE WILL to pursue what they think is best for themselves without guilt or shame being associated with either choice.
I think we each read an interpret based on our own intellect, personal experiences, emotional status, religious, moral constraints. I grew up with a sense of personal boundaries already intact, I understand what your saying about self sacrifice but Ive never felt that way myself. So where you see codependency running wild I see normal behavior. I dont have an issue with trying to save anyone. Not someone on this board, my husband, a cancer patient, or a kleptomaniac. Its hard for me to even comprehend the burden one must feel if they think they can save people based on what they can offer of self. " If Im nice enough, loving enough, give him enough sex" I cant comprehend it.
Do these same people think they can cure someone's cancer? or do they feel this way because they dont have a good understandign of why people become addicted, and what it takes to recover? dont know but I suspect its part of the problem. If you think someone is choosing drugs over you, not understanding the brain stuff them it changes thinking and makes you think you can save them?
What I can comprehend is staying active in a person life no matter what kind of disease they might have, accepting them for who they are, having compassion for their hardships, using my influence and means to help them find and obtain the help they need, supporting their efforts, having an emotional connection during the process, and dealing with my own thoughts and feelings so I can keep a high level of attachment both physically and emotionally.
But see this is what I want for me, not you or anyone else. At the same time I dont want to be told Im wrong because this doesnt work for you personally. Its insulting to me when Im plastered with codependent comments, or told to read stickies that will cure me, and change my beliefs to that of someone else.
There may come a time when I need to walk away, and I hope all the work I do on understanding myself, the disease of addiction, my thoughts, feelings will allow me to do so with dignity, but without anger or bitterness. I hope the day never comes for me. Im sorry its something many people here have had to face, but I cant save them from their own pain and life experiences.