Please don't think I'm a drama queen, that was how I felt that day rather than simple venting. I don't think I would ever hurt myself, I've been in that frame of mind before and not done anything extreme like that, it would upset my family too much.
I do at times wonder my purpose considering I can't do very much. I wish I could just find some useful outlet, preferably helping others. But hey I guess I just have to keep going and hopefully find something. Sometimes I guess being an atheist can make things slightly harder, I imagine if I were religious I coudl easily excuse this existence. For me there is no grand plan, we have to seek our own purpose.
I've spent all day looking online for opportunities via the phone, maybe some support work or something I can fit around my illness. Lots of charities demand certain hours and hours per week. I'm sure I'll find something that can fit. Maybe even email support for a charity would be great. I'll keep looking at it.