Welcome Saphire. Ya, for many years I kept the facade of a responsible corporate type while I was a hopeless booze-hound on the inside. I had to sneak off at lunch each day to dingy dive bars for a couple pints just to stop my hands from shaking. I would turn down lunch invitations from co-workers and head off on my own. They always wondered where I disappeared to. I was terrified my charade would collapse at any moment.
It's no way to live your life. I ended up losing my career because I did nothing about my drinking and let it get worse. The fact that you are going through withdrawal symptoms is a troubling sign. Get some help now while you have a career to save.