You CAN stop, you just haven't yet.
Getting rid of that garbage negative self-talk ("I hate myself right now") will go a long way towards building such a strong relationship with yourSELF that you will no longer feel compelled to go chasing the crumbs of this dangerous, manipulative and abusive man. If you heard your best friend talking to him or herself that way you'd tell them to quit it, wouldn't you? Heck, if you heard a TOTAL STRANGER talking to him or herself that way you'd tell them to quit it!
Isn't it about time you started treating yourself with kindness rather than contempt?