I have come a long way
I was sober for 8 months before I had a 2 day relapse back in July. Now I am over 3 months sober.
I did a lot of my drinking in my bedroom, behind closed doors. I drank to cope with anxiety and to cover up my shyness. Actually, growing up I always felt different to others. I was the shy kid who loved studying and reading books above all else and was perfectly happy left to my own devices. In fact, I preferred it that way.
Somewhere along the way I picked up this idea that I was not as good as everyone else. That everyone else was better than me. And I locked myself away in my bedsit and drank. And nearly destroyed myself.
My therapist had to do a lot of work with me in the early days. He held my hand as I started taking baby steps through life and picking up the pieces. There were days when I was so afraid of everything. One day he said to me "start small. Your task for next week is to get the local paper, select one job, print off a CV, and post it. I don't care what it is and it doesn't matter if you don't get it. Just do it". I can still remember the fear as I printed my CV, found and envelope and headed to the post office. I was shaking with nerves. That was over a year ago.
I had a job interview this morning with a large multinational company...the corporate world has always scared and fascinated me ever since my first trip to London at the age of 18...the train in the morning would be full of bankers in suits, with shiny shoes and slicked back hair with a briefcase and a copy of The Financial Times under their arm.
Anyway, the guy this morning said to me "we had 20 applications for this job, we whittled the CVs down to 5 and you were one of them, so congratulations" He was so casual sitting back in the chair, all that was missing was his feet up on the table. Ah, I envy his easy self assurance.
I looked at myself in the mirror this afternoon as I took off my good suit, and I thought "you have come a long way kid. You should be very proud". They said they would be in touch about the position. Even if I don't get it, there will be others, and I am in a good place now. I am sitting here with a medium cinnamon latte, feeling smiley, happy and healthy. I raise my cup to all of you. I would not be here without you guys. So thank you xx