Why cant I stop......!!!!!!
Okay, so after two weeks of getting bombarded with xabf texting and calling me I gave in Monday night, first with a text back and then when he begged again if we could talk I said yes.
He got me right where it hurts, in my co-dependent, mothering, I can help kind of way.
Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of the death of his gf before me. (You know the one I have written about that mysteriously died on his property.) He said he just needed to talk to me, that he was having a hard time.
The conversations were still pretty much the same, he talked about his relationship with her, his guilt over not just saying he loved her even if he didn't mean it.. then it went to his x wife and all other failed relationships.. and ended up with how special I am to him and he doesn't want to give up on what we had or could have.
Through the whole conversation he's drinking... I even asked him one time, "what are you doing, sounds like your eating?" and he said "If you have to know, I opened a beer. he said he "wants to love me".. what does that mean? Then he said, "I don't want to hurt you".
I said that's why I broke up with you so you don't hurt me.. he said "arnt I still your boyfriend?" I said no, I actually have to see the person I'm dating...We haven't seen each other in 3 months.
Anyways now I'm obsessing again. I cant have a relationship with him, I don't want a relationship with him and yet somehow, I'm still excepting the crumbs he dishes out.... On the other hand I'm only giving crumbs also. I don't reach out to him, I ignore most of his texts and phone calls, yet he knows I will eventually answer.. so who's using who....? I hate myself right now.... I actually blocked his number for a week... then I unblocked it because I had to just see if he was still trying to get in contact with me... The longest of NC now has been 6 weeks.
also he dropped hints he's seeing other woman, sent me a selfie of himself with out a shirt on with a new beard and said he took it because an "old girl friend" wanted to see the beard. but he's not dating her again.. he can only think of me...
I searched FB to see if I could find any pictures of the girl that died and I found her on it. the last update on it was from her x-husband saying she's in heaven now.... She was drop dead gorgeous!!! I mean model material. the pictures were taken two years before her death and just don't jive with the image he painted of her. I am totally obsessing over this again... help....