You know, Payne, all we have is today. tomorrow isn't promised to us. Could you perhaps just enjoy your relationship , for today, don't worry about forever, yet? Perhaps with time, and getting to really know him, your fears will calm down.
I was never in a close loving place with my parents. both alcoholics, at different times. I do not remember being held close, being comforted, or being listened to. That did so much damage to me. In a relationship, I am ok, until I feel the approach of the L word.
I tell myself it will be better this time. I will not go crazy. I won't go all insecure, or jealous, or push them away.(actually I pick jerks, so don't feel too sorry for me-lol)
In the beginning though, I always feel it coming on.... my doubts, the ones I cannot keep to myself. I question, accuse, doubt, investigate(don't really know if I would do this with a nice guy or not-liars , cheaters and porn freaks don't bring out the best in me).
I did lose one who I loved, once. I could not bring myself to believe he loved me. I would get jealous, or insecure when he was away. I questioned him to no end, if there was another woman around. I guess I did not love myself, and could not believe anyone else could, either.
Now I am too afraid to try. My therapist is relieved.
Honestly, I know that each man I was in a relationship with was an addict of some sort... porn, anger, control freaks. no alcohol, though, no way! haha
so maybe, just maybe I would have been alright with someone who really did love me? Maybe I just sensed what they would not admit, and pushed them away in the only way I could, since I could not manage to talk to them about my concerns. My fault , I refused to pay attention to the red flags that were obvious in the beginning.
I would advise you to relax, and really pay attention to your gut feelings, too. Do not ignore red flags.... ACOA's do that too.
Maybe this guy is great. Time will tell and time is your friend. Take it a day at a time, and just try to stay out of your head. Eyes open, heart open, and have fun. Find out if he is the one to trust your heart to... time will tell you that. Its not black and white, and no one is perfect, and you do not have to make a choice until you are ready.
my best to you. sorry for the novel. but I sure went through a lot of crap, and I hope someone gets some good out of it!