The reality is drugs and alcohol DO take away the pain of life. Until they become the pain itself. Part of treatment is learning how to deal with painful situations and emotions without the drug/drink. Addicts have to learn tools to cope - they've always used something outside themselves.
We cannot control what our loved one hears or says or to whom he speaks.
You would find Al Anon very helpful for yourself - learn about the problem and what you can do to make this easier for you.