The sober voice
You know that sober voice that tries to stop you when you’re going for a drink? The voice that says “no, don’t do this. You need to turn around and get out of here. You know this isn’t what you want.” But your body moves on its own like it’s possessed? You know that voice? I would actually talk out loud to myself as I walked through my garage to where I kept the bottle, telling myself to stop, but my body just ignored it and kept going. I couldn’t stop myself.
Last night I was so close to drinking. I was getting my keys and wallet, doing those automatic movements to go get it. But then my sober voice boomed through my head louder than ever. It told me to stop, put the keys down, and go upstairs. NOW.
And I did.
It was so authoritative and threatening, it actually startled me. I kind of scrambled up the stairs like it was chasing me. I took a sleeping pill, brushed my teeth, and jumped into bed. And that was it. The craving was gone. It was kind of freaky, but awesome.
Sometimes I feel like there’s a war going on in my head and I’m caught in the crossfire.