A few of you have mentioned going no contact. I want to say that my mother and I have a good relationship. I see this as an issue with ME not wanting to feel these feelings. I don't feel then each time we talk. I feel them when a similar topic is brought up in a meeting. I don't need to go no contact in an attempt to not feel these feelings. It wouldn't work anyway.
Ironically, the topic at my noon AA meeting was brought up by a woman dealing with her aging father who is not in good health due to dementia. Seriously. I ended up in tears of course .....
That's the thing. When I start feeling that way. When my body (or mind?) wants me to cry I just want it to stop. I want to run away and hide. I absolutely do not want to cry and if I absolutely have to I DO NOT want it to be in front of people. After the meeting a woman handed me some tissues and wanted to comfort me. I wouldn't look at her. I didn't want to talk about it. There's nothing to say really. Just tears.
I know have lots to be grateful for. I want to just focus on that and not feel sad. Not. Feel.