Jane11

Hi I'm really new here so I apologise if this has already been discussed or if I say anything that may trigger bad memories for anyone else I just really need some advice on some things and wondered if anyone could help.

I walked away from my abf just over a month ago although we have still been in contact since, trying to resolve or him continuing to drink and ramble and be horrible- both of those things unfortunately.

When I walked away he sent some horrible messages to family members about personal topics we had discussed within the relationship (he had threatened to do it before but never followed through probably because I always went back)

This evening I am dealing with him again threatening that he knows information about my family members, claiming it to be to do with their lifestyle and I think insinuations from what I can gather something to do with tax evasion (??) and how he has a lot of information that will destroy my family and we will live in poverty.

I would like to go into more detail but I don't feel I can as I am paranoid he could read this.

Basically I think he feels inferior because he is from a less wealthy family and he is saying that me and my family think we are better than him, we are not, I talk down to him and we put him down well he will show us kind of thing- I hope that makes sense it is hard to describe without going into detail. He is saying that I have hurt him so he is going to really hurt me back.

I can assure you I or we do not think that we are better and I have never said that, I did everything I could for him in the relationship including huge financial support and he has always made comments about how I am a child I get loads of help from my parents (yes they help if they can but I have always been very independent and never expected anything). I think this stems from a huge place of jealousy and bitterness.

The problem is I don't want my family to have to go through any more of this, he has made threats on their jobs etc and I don't know what to do. I am ashamed at how my relationship has also deeply hurt them and I am ashamed I even speak to him after all of it.

I just do not know whether tonight he is saying it as a threat or he will actually follow through with something. I have been to the police before about messages he sent me but there wasn't anything they could do, however surely if I show them these they have to help me. I am so scared that even if I do go to the police this will provoke him more and he will do something dangerous to me or my family (he knows home addresses/work addresses/emails- a lot of info that I think he took out of my phone and from mail I had)

I really just don't know what to do. All of this has stemmed from earlier him telling me he went to a therapy group and he now has the 'tools' to do this alone so f*#k everyone else.

He has told me he has done his research and why am I not trying to stop him- I assume he wants a response so that I cannot tell the police it is harassment?? But what can I even do to stop him and could he actually destroy my family??

I know I don't need to say what I have done for this man in terms of support during the relationship as many of you will know having done the same things financially/emotionally etc and I can't believe this is how he treats me in return.

I am so worried for my family and their livelihood, I love them dearly and I have brought all of this onto the family through my own poor judgement of someone who is not only an alcoholic but maybe mentally ill too.

Despite telling me earlier that he needs to take this path alone and he sees that he is now telling me that it's not going to be a case of me walking away, he has information and he is going to use it- I'm so scared of what he will say or do

I feel like I am living in fear, why have I let this go on, why have I not and can I not just cut him out of my life, I'm even too scared to do that

Please help me