Hi
I understand well the anxiety about parents. Ugh. How do you come to acceptance without any expectation? How do you stop being angry about the lack of a mom? Don't know, I feel much the same but with a mom who is mentally ill (although I guess it is kind of the same). The only thing that seems to work for me is to have no or very little contact. Any type of normal relationship with her ends up with me being hurt.
About you being a double winner. I think that is more about the type of group you are going to. I don't mind double winners at all, because they have more insight than us non-As have. Especially early on, we have so many questions....it's like meeting an alien and asking them about how they live and think.
However, I do have a problem with an A or a double winner being defensive in a codie group or trying to make codie's come to minimize or rationalize A stuff. That ticks me off, simply because it is not the place to do that. I would never go to an AA meeting and codie out on people there trying to make them understand codieness and defend codie stuff. Not the place.