My situation is different, my only experience with custody issues is while AH & I were separated & he was hiding his heavy drinking. He was the type to give up custody/visitation when he was very active in his addiction. He couldn't handle the responsibility AND manage his addiction at the same time & I *think* there might have also been a part of him that just didn't want her to view him *that* way, but he's never outright said it like that.
Knowing what I know
now here's how I feel about it: If the day were to come when he decided to actively drink again & we split, I would fight tooth & nail for 100% of everything to do with DD & let him fight back for every little supervised visit. If he's active, he's progressing, so things aren't going to get
better unless he chooses sobriety again & that's out of my control.
What I DO have control over is fighting for DD. She gets ONE chance to have a childhood. She didn't
choose to be raised by an alcoholic parent. It's up to me as the functioning parent to put her needs ahead of his, put on her oxygen mask & life jacket & swim her to shore. Probably I wouldn't get the 100% of everything I fought for but I'd really make him work to get any bit of leeway. With my RAH he'd likely give up the fight or not follow through on what he was granted anyway. I would also want her armed with as many "tools" as possible - obvious stuff like a phone but also education on addiction so she can understand the signs she's seeing, etc. (I have already been working with her on things like yoga & meditation because it will serve her well in every area of her life as a general practice, not just a go-to in times of stress.)
I know not everyone would have this experience, more narcissistic A's may fight all the harder & the best action may be the exact opposite (agreeing to more instead of fighting harder). There are a lot of similarities but also many differences in all of our experiences so ultimately you have to do what is right & comfortable for your kids & yourself.
