Originally Posted by
irisgardens 
Thank you for this post...don't fully understand runner...but when I get feeling betrayed...I tend to say things (in writing) that allow the other person to let go or yes, fire me...and I am working to deal with that in myself. I know that it is in me...and I am working through huge difficulties in relationships with kids and husband...I spent a long time dealing with my mother and sister and at least after 13 years...no longer have the cravings...for them to love me when I am in trouble or need love and care...instead of it always being the other way around.
I don't really know how to do more than I am doing now...working on loving myself enough as that is what the long-term advice through many avenues says to do ...but it is hard work and I am anxious and exhausted today. This post was exactly what I needed to read.
I posted a while back about ending relationships in a blaze of glory. I will find some reason to make people leave me. Being abandoned and not good enough was the standard of care as a child and young adult, and that's still my comfort zone. I have my family here in my house, so I don't need or want anyone else. It's so backwards. I'm working on it. I pushed my husband away once, but he came back a year later and I told myself that I was choosing to be good enough. And I don't regret that decision at all. It's one of the best things I've ever done for myself. But the other relationships in my life? Yeah, they're complicated.