We sabotage ourselves because that's what addiction is- engaging in behavior again and again against our wishes and in spite of negative consequences. Ultimately it's up to you, not anyone else, but I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Pick someplace that's a "neutral site" and explain the issue to him. Let him know that it's not for him to decide if you have a problem. Period. It is not defined by him, but by you.
It is progressive. As bad as things are now they will get worse. I don't say this to frighten but just to enlighten. The longer you wait the worse it will get. Obviously you probably know that, but sometimes it helps to see the words and roll them around in your mind.
You can do it, Mavis! You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try. If you're willing to get up one more time than you fall down then you can lick this.
