Ms. FixIt, Shooting Star, & Eauchiche -
I receive all your feedback with an open heart. I recognize that - in general - we are talking about the capacity of an active A to love, and I agree that this is, more times than not, profoundly limited by their obsession.
I was speaking more to the OP, which referred to a recovering A who appears to be actively engaged in that recovery. Many, many addicts and alcoholics choose to not pursue recovery, regardless of the harm they are doing to loved ones. Those who are truly committed to recovery are doing a tremendous amount of self searching, and within that journey are absolutely capable of love.
I may have missed something, but beyond sharing drunk-a-log stories which made the poster feel uncomfortable, I didn't hear of any additional specifically negative behaviors in the OP, except that of being an alcoholic in recovery. This tendency toward "story-telling" as a way to communicate is often emphasized in recovery programs. My hope would be that she can simply tell him that these stories make her uncomfortable, and he can respond by honoring her request or not, which will reveal much.
Anyway, I appreciate the grace with which you disagreed, and hope that I can both hear you and be graceful in my messaging. It just makes me sad that sometimes an active addict and one in recovery (which as we know is a brave journey that takes an incredible amount of strength and willingness to undertake) are considered as a single "type."
PS. As to the "recent" development of the one year without relationship suggestion - I meant that in a historical context. AA developed in the 1930s, so even if that advice has been around for 20 years, it is not part of the program itself, but is a suggestion of some of its members. Suggestions are often quite wise, but they are not part of the official "program" of AA.