With all due respect, heartcore, I don't think the posts here have denigrated the possibility of ever having a good relationship with a recovered alcoholic. I think they are reflecting directly on the information that Jewelsmn gives us in her post.
Instead, I think Jewelsmn describes some pretty serious red flags. Lots of good advice already on this thread.
Here are the red flags:
R has been in recovery this time and is 9 months sober.
He lives in a sober house right now.
He has been in many recovery places prior to meeting me.
He has been an alcoholic for as long as he can remember.
He has been married a couple times
but he has never been a violent alcoholic. And we know that, how?
What freaks me out at times is how he can talk about drinking and how much he could drink in one sitting. He doesn't talk about this in front of my daughter (Thank the Lord). But at times this kind of talk makes me uncomfortable.
like it's a medal of honor. This kind of makes me uncomfortable.
We have been seeing each other for nearly 2 months now.
Problem is he is so super quiet at times.
I want to love this guy.
I have been running into some problems with K being sometimes rude and angry at him.
How do I love this guy and not get caught up in his stuff.
To me, he seems like a dry drunk.
I don't know. (I am studying to be a drug and alcohol counsleor). What's next for me?
There is precious little in the OP (original post) that suggests that gentleman in question has ever sustained a long term recovery. Multiple marriages have failed. He has been drunk most of his life and in and out of multiple rehabs. He is not yet living independently. He talks, when he talks, about his addiction and high level of drinking; that suggests that he hasn't emerged from the cocoon of alcoholism and early recovery enough to have established his own recovered functional life, as the comment about seeming like a "dry drunk" suggests.
And I agree wholeheartedly with ladyscribbler about Jewel's daughter's reaction. Her daughter's feelings should be explored, not pushed away because "it is to be expected" because Jewel has started dating. The truth is this man is someone who is not yet recovered and functional and has no history of many if any successful relationships, let alone with the daughter of a gf.
Heartcore, it seems to me that you will be more persuasive in convincing those of us who have had devastating and heart wrenching experiences with alcoholics that some alcoholics in recovery are worth being in relationship with if you look more closely at the specifics in the case. This is not a case I'd want to stake my future on.
I don't mean to be too harsh. I just know, from my experience, that my XAH thought everything was just fine, he was a great step-dad, lover, husband and all of it when it was mainly denial that kept him from seeing how he affected people and that kept him from course correcting his behavior. Read my post on the Crucible, and it will tell where my mind set comes from.
One thing we have to all weigh is where our key accountabilities and responsibilities are, and my choice would to be honor the daughter and protect her from an unnecessary exposure to this. The upside potential is slim and the downside is huge.
ShootingStar1