Jewel,
You are very smart for reaching out to friends and family... Boy the people here can tell you stories of their addicts. I am sorry to say but most of them are not pretty. We all hurt and are healing from what they have done to us. I think each of us would run, if we were in your new shoes with an addict. As Amy stated above, the addict should not be getting involved in a new relationship for one year, working a program, so he is not even following recommendations. A's are selfish people when they drink and when they are working a program, no doubt about it.
You have to understand addicts love one thing and one thing only, their drugs or alcohol. We will always be second to them until they are sober and work a program for a long time, and that isn't even a guarantee. If this relationship was meant to be give him is space to work his program, you join alanon and see how to work your program and see what happens in 6 months.
If it was me, I would run and run fast. I am only speaking from 34 years of with an addict. Good luck to you and keep coming back!!