Good morning February friends,
It has been a while since I've posted. I feel the need to reach out for support but don't feel comfortable on the newcomer page since I've been around this block so often. I'm so sick of this pattern I've created for myself.. A string of sober days (usually a week or two) followed by a week of nightly drinking until I get myself to the point where I miss sobriety and I'm back at it again. This really has been going on for a couple of years more or less and it's all great when I'm sober but I can't seem to make it last. I try to understand what leads me back to drinking and honestly I think it's feeling so good that either fool myself that I can feel good AND drink, or I just sabotage myself and maybe become scared and overwhelmed by the clarity and goodness of sobriety, if that makes sense. And when I'm faced with a craving and the opportunity, if I don't put up the fight, I cave and I'm right back at it. Part of me is beginning to think that I'm now addicted to this high /low cycle.
I know you guys get it, and I am so inspire by your journeys. It all starts with today. I know I won't drink today because I'm just sick of it. I have no excuses, this is just my own battle in my mind. SR is such a huge help to me, but maybe I need to reach out rather than just read. So here I am. Again. It's truly amazing what this poison can do to your soul.