I understand it's your life and your decision to make Jeremy. We're good.
I'm sorry you didn't go for inpatient though - not because the majority of folks here suggested it, but because I really think a large part of your problem is trying to be all things to everyone...and when in your mind you 'fail' you catastrophise everything and tend towards the 'eff its'.
(that's not a criticism, btw - merely an observation. I did that too).
I think some time out with nothing else to do but focus on you would have made this recovery process a lot easier.
Seeing as you're not doing inpatient, I really recommend you take a hard look at your expectations, and keep them real.
You have a lot of your plate. It's ok if you can't digest it all in one sitting you know?
Try not to drive yourself into the ground. Be gentler on yourself Jeremy....and ask for help when you need it, OK?
D