Reality
Contemplating so much at the moment. Took 3 days and plugged away did everything a man could do to improve his situation.
Mental hospital, new meds, better meds, Happy with these new medications, started taking them yesterday... but my old medication, Zyprexa led to a 20 LBS. gain in a month.
Hit the job search project like I was possessed. I am going to get a job soon no matter what. At the end of this weekend I will have 3 resumes geared towards different job search ( headhunter) markets, one just won't do.
The bills are coming due now, next week on Friday no more internet or phone, no power on the 3rd of November, and if housing doesn't process my changes by the first of next month homelessness possible.
Grappling with inpatient still, I know so many say just do it, you need it. However, I can't, don't want to, can't imagine losing 34 years of stuff and my pets and the rest of my life on a whim only to be homeless at the end of it all. Outpatient, will happen soon, working on it!
Focused on being mega med compliant, I am stabilizing. Hey reality, hey real folks, how have you all been? I've missed you! I forgot what the feeling of being stable and able to make decisions without delusions feels like.
In an extremely stable, medicated, no alcoholic state I can honestly say this is overwhelming, but doable really, just gotta focus on daily goals, not freak out, and solve as many issues as I can daily.
Good day folks, Jeremy is back, reality is such a wonderful place. Glad to be medicated and ready to make a positive difference in my life. No more alcohol is my new mantra, sober, and medicated is far, far, far, better no more head fog, no more panic attacks no more nothing but me and some task I need to complete to get better.
I want inpatient, but I have to live in reality, lose it all, or keep it all do outpatient and be focused, delicate balance. I am sorry, I know really in a perfect world I need inpatient folks, but we don't live in a perfect world and I am not a perfect being, I know this will upset many
Jeremy