Originally Posted by
Cyranoak 
...which is why I don't want to provide hope to a Newby. Too often they use it to justify staying in broken or abusive relationships, when what I wish for them is they stop hoping that somebody else will change, or that some white knight will come and save them, and start dealing with the reality of their present-- especially when they have children.
I don't want them to HOPE things WILL get better. I want them to KNOW that things CAN get better if they simply start to focus on themselves and THEIR recovery, rather than on the alcoholic or addict. And I believe it will.
That's also why I don't like talking about my wife and I still being together-- too many people latch onto that when the fact of the matter is that couples that survive are an anomaly in my opinion. And, even when the couples do, it's because both parties fully engage in recovery.
Plus, she could start drinking again tomorrow. Hell, she could be drinking right now! That is the reality of staying with an alcoholic/addict-- even a sober one.
Again, this is all my opinion.
Cyranoak
Great post and thank you for your honesty.
I was one of those newbies who latched onto any hopeful stories. I was desperate to stay hopeful. I was also accused of being jealous of another members husband's clean time. Of course, that was ridiculous and a typical codependent (huge ego and low self esteem) response when I questioned the validity of her "magical kingdom." It was also just a shining example of we just become as sick as our secrets.
Good luck to you and your wife. May this journey bring you both to a wonderful new place.